There was a point in my career where everything looked fine on the outside. 

Good roles, steady progression and people telling me I was “doing well.” 

But something felt off. 

I was second-guessing myself constantly. From over-preparing for meetings to softening my language so I didn’t come across as “too much.” I waited for validation before making decisions I already knew the answer to. Yet I could advocate brilliantly for other people, but when it came to myself I’d hesitate every single time. 

At the time, I thought it was only about building more confidence but alongside this I also needed self-trust. 

The difference no one really talks about 

The thing about confidence is that it’s visible. But self-trust is much quieter. It’s that internal feeling you have about yourself. And honestly, it’s the thing that holds you steady when confidence wobbles. 

I didn’t wake up one day feeling fearless or bold. The shift came when I started trusting my own judgement. That’s what changed everything for me. It wasn’t a promotion, a title or external recognition. Just trusting myself enough to actually act on what I knew. 

Advocating for yourself starts here 

Look, we talk a lot about self-advocacy as a skill – asking for the pay rise, speaking up in meetings, putting yourself forward. 

But none of that sticks if you don’t believe, deep down, that your perspective is valid. 

For ages, I framed self-advocacy as something I had to do. A moment where I had to psych myself up and be brave. 

But actually? Advocating for yourself is a by-product of self-trust. 

When you trust yourself, you don’t over-explain. You don’t apologise for having a point of view or don’t wait until you feel “ready” to speak. And you bounce back faster when something doesn’t land the way you hoped. 

You still feel nervous sometimes. But you don’t abandon yourself in the process. 

The moment things shifted for me 

I remember the exact point where I realised I was done shrinking. 

I’d been in yet another situation where my expertise was being questioned – subtly but persistently. Nothing overt but just enough doubt planted for me to start questioning myself too. 

The old me would have worked harder to prove my worth. I’d have gathered more evidence, and asked for reassurance from people who honestly weren’t even qualified to give it. 

So instead, I paused and asked myself a different question: Do I actually trust my own experience here? 

The answer was yes. 

So I stopped contorting myself to be palatable. I made decisions without asking for permission. And when something didn’t work, I reflected on it rather than spiralling into “I’m terrible at everything.” 

However, self-trust doesn’t mean you never doubt yourself 

This bit is important. 

Trusting yourself doesn’t mean you always get it right. It doesn’t mean you ignore feedback or stop learning and it doesn’t mean you never feel unsure. 

It means that when doubt shows up, it doesn’t get to run the show anymore. 

You can take on new information without letting it completely erode your sense of self. You can hear disagreement without immediately assuming you’re wrong. You can grow without constantly questioning your value. 

And honestly? That’s a completely different way of operating. 

Why this matters at work (and beyond) 

I see so many talented people held back – not by lack of ability, but by lack of self-trust. 

They wait, hesitate and dilute their impact. They give others the benefit of the doubt before giving it to themselves. 

And over time, that chips away at everything – confidence, wellbeing, belief in what they’re capable of. 

When you trust yourself, you don’t just show up differently at work. You make braver choices in life. You choose environments that actually fit rather than enduring ones that don’t and you stop performing and start participating. 

You back yourself. 

A quiet invitation 

So if you’re reading this and seeing yourself in it, think about where have you been waiting for external permission instead of trusting your own judgement? 

Where are you silencing yourself – not because you lack confidence, but because you don’t fully trust your voice yet? 

You don’t need to become louder. You don’t need to become someone else. 

You just need to come back to yourself. 

Because when self-trust clicks into place, confidence follows. And that’s where real change begins. 

Tune into my latest episode of Decoding Confidence to learn more on how you can lead with more confidence. 

Search Decoding Confidence. New episodes are released every Monday. You can find and listen to all the episodes on my website or wherever you listen to your podcasts.